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Winged Lion

Caritas

In my philosophy class, we've been discussing ethical egoism, which is basically the moral theory that we should base our decisions on our own self-interest, because our self-interest should be our highest good. Part of one of the definitions we've used in class says that we "have no unchosen obligation to help other people." Generally, the theory suggests that you should help people only when it's in your own interest.

I'm glad that most people don't think this way.

For much of my trip, I relied on the kindness of strangers. This was especially true in Belgium, where I stayed with my cousins' cousins-- the relationship is distant enough that they certainly had no familial obligation to help me, especially while hosting other relatives. Yet host me they did.

And more than host me. A. went out of her way to pick me up at the train station, about an hour from her house, before she had ever met me. On the way home, we saw a young woman at a bus stop, arm outstretched and thumb up.

Most people, even those who are generally charitable, would be likely to agree that there is no moral obligation to pick up hitchhikers, especially hitchhikers who can just wait an hour or so for the bus to arrive.

A. pulled over, let the young woman in, and asked where she was headed. I don't know how long she was in the car, but I bet it was more than two miles, the recommended distance of charitable companionship in the New Testament. It was certainly longer than a comfortable walk, and as I mentioned, it might have been an hour or so before the next bus.

A. believes in helping people, believes in it as a basic and practical way. She is unlikely to receive direct benefit from many of these actions-- certainly not from picking up someone who just needed a ride to the next bus stop (this is rural Belgium, so that can be quite a distance.) The world would be a cold, sad place without people like her.

Repetend

Street Art in Berlin

A Witness of Absence

My grad-student brother recently went to a conference on Jewish American and Holocaust literature. One of the major discussions among practitioners and critics in the form is about how to be a witness to the holocaust, how to stand as a witness of one of the most horrendous atrocities of history, how to speak of the murder of more than six million men, women, children.

The strongest witness, all agree, is the witness who is no longer here. Who witnesses exactly by not being here.

Berlin, it is said, is a city of memorials. There are many, but the most haunting for me is a witness of absence. It stands in the Bebelplatz, across from Humboldt University, on the spot where, in 1933, the Nazis encouraged students to burn more than 20,ooo books.

And so now there is, under the earth, this empty room, lined with empty bookshelves: A reminder of what was, and now is gone.

Sleeping

Despite the fact that I have no classes before 10am, I haven't been getting nearly enough sleep in the last week, which leads my thoughts back to happy memories of better days during the summer... carefree days when I could sleep as much as I wanted.

These days are mostly a fiction, a trick of the mind, a mirage brought on by the aforementioned lack of sleep... with three days or less to see most places I visited, I didn't sleep much at a lot of the stops.

A specific memory comes to mind: my first night in Sofia, I stayed up until four am trying to help a friend figure out whether it was feasible for him to board a train to Istanbul-- I had my doubts, but he loved the idea, and when I went back upstairs to the room he stayed awake for the rest of the night, researching timetables and talking to the hostel's night clerk.

The last days of the trip, though, were fairly restful... we had all been traveling for weeks, and it was so hot in Serbia that there was almost no point in going out during the day-- so we'd sleep until noon, then loaf around, reading and watching movies, and then go out only in the evenings when the sun was low in the sky.

Moving through timezones did some damage to my internal clock, but I find that these lines are far less disruptive than the personal timezones of the hosts I stayed with-- the routine of a place has power more power to shift a sleep schedule than such an arbitrary thing as the rising or setting of the sun.

Eight Years Later

and it almost seems like a normal day. It even is a normal day, except for the memory.

We remember things. Some days, I don't know whether it's good or bad, but we remember things, and we need to do something to make sense of that, or at least do something.

No more words from me today. Instead, an essay from Brian Doyle:

Kaddish

by Brian Doyle

Kaddish L’anashim

The man who just liked to read the newspaper quietly

The man who loved to preserve tomatoes

The man whose two-year-old son is mortally ill

The man who slept with his two dogs

The man who occasionally vacuumed his lawn

The man who was building a dollhouse for his daughter

The man who was assistant treasurer at his church

The man who helped found a church in New Jersey

The man who was the best probationary fireman ever

The man who built tiny ceramic railroad towns for his daughters

The man who built forty crossbows

The fireman who died with his fireman son

The fireman who died with his fireman brother

The fireman who died with his policeman brother

The fireman who ran in with his fireman brother who survived

The fireman who hugged his fireman brother before entering the tower

The man who had ten children, the youngest an infant

The man who loved Cole Porter

The man who loved Bruce Springsteen

The man who loved Abba

The man who loved The Who

The man who was identified by his Grateful Dead tattoo

The man who loved model trains

The man who loved surfing

The man who loved the Denver Broncos

The man who loved the Detroit Lions

The man who loved his racehorses

The man who loved to run at night

The man who loved to fish for striped bass

The man who fished for bluefish from his lawn

The man who loved his boxer dogs

The man who loved fine red wine

The man who loved Stolichnaya vodka on the rocks

The man who loved skyscrapers

The man who loved birdhouses

The man who loved Les Paul guitars

The man who loved dominos

The man who loved comic books

The man who was rebuilding a 1967 Mustang

The man who rebuilt a 1967 Mustang

The man who was rebuilding a 1948 Studebaker

The man who was rebuilding an MG convertible

The man who restored an old hotel

The man who started a ska band

The man who built harpsichords

The man who had been a model

The man who could ski like the wind

The man who drove a taxi as a hobby

The man who drove blind women to church on Sunday

The man who delivered papers every morning before going to work as a cook

The man who meticulously rotated the socks in his drawer for even use

The man who liked to handicap horseraces

The man who wasn’t a saint by any means according to his mom

The man who was the youngest county treasurer in Missouri history

The man who liked to cook kielbasa

The man who liked to cook pinto beans

The man who liked to cook meatloaf

The man who liked to paint his daughters’ fingernails

The man who made a thousand paper cranes for his wife

The man who made tea for his wife every day

The man who cooked for his blind mother as a child

The man who had his mom’s name tattooed on his arm

The man who had a bulldog tattooed on his arm

The man who had Death Before Shame tattooed on his arm in Gaelic

The man who really wanted to go to Egypt

The man who had been a boxer in Britain

The man who had been a private detective

The man who had been a cricket star in Guyana

The man who had been a basketball star in the army

The man who had been a lacrosse star in Australia

The man who had been a lacrosse star in America

The man who had been a hockey star in Canada

The man who had been a hockey star in America

The man who was an expert surfer

The man who carried a surfboard everywhere

The man who was a quadriplegic and typed with his mouth

The man who played the bagpipes

The man who played the piccolo

The fireman who played the pennywhistle

The man who made tea and toast for his wife every morning

The man who hung out the flag with his daughter every morning

The man who made wine in his basement

The man who knew everything about boats

The man who fixed his son’s toy boat in the basement the night before

The man who liked to quote Federico Fellini about the passion of life

The man who was slowly going blind

The man who bought bagels for everyone all the time

The man who tied fly-fishing flies with his daughter

The man who drew cartoons and caricatures of his friends

The man who went to thirty-five Bruce Springsteen concerts

The man who went to Mass every morning before boarding the train

The man who cared for his kid sister who had cerebral palsy

The man who was a minister for House of God Church Number 1

The man who was an elder at the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses

The man who served two kinds of caviar at football tailgates

The man who mounted a telescope on a sewer pipe in his yard

The man who was married in full Scottish regalia

The man who spoke Portuguese at home so his children would know the language

The man who carried an old lifeguard from his wheelchair into the ocean for a last swim

The man who carried a woman and her wheelchair fifty floors to the street

The man who had been a furrier in the old country

The man who was deaf and had been a furrier in the old country

The man who was deaf and knew everyone in town

The man who sat with the girl no one liked in high school

The man who invited a mentally retarded girl to sit at the football player’s table

The man who flew small airplanes on Sunday mornings

The man whose first son was born the day after he died

The man whose first son was born a week after he died

The man whose first son was born two weeks after he died

The man whose son was born three weeks after he died

The man whose daughter announced her engagement two days before he died

The man who wrote a song about noodles with his daughter

The man who cleaned his neighbors’ gutters

The man whose parents were deaf

The man whose parents survived the Holocaust

The man whose identical twin survived

The man who once painted his black dog white

The man who was a professor of geography

The man from Cut Bank, Montana

The man who dressed up like Elvis for his daughters

The man who wanted to coach high school basketball

The man who wanted to be a fly-fishing guide in Montana

The man who shoveled snow for his pregnant neighbor

The man who called his mother every morning at nine sharp

The man who called his father every day after his mother died

The man who called his wife three times a day

The man who called his wife every day after lunch for fourteen years

The man who left notes on the breakfast table every morning for his son

The man who fixed a television transmitter with his shoelaces

The man who coached every basketball player in his town for ten years

The man who was working overtime to save money for his daughter’s birthday

The man who met his wife at a production of Romeo and Juliet

The man whose wife found out she was pregnant after he died

The man who helped his wife down eighty-eight floors and then went back in

The man who boated down the Mekong River

The man who rescued children from a daycare center that morning

The man who rescued twin infants from a burning building

The man who rescued an elderly couple from a burning building

The man who carried a man from a burning building

The man who carried a woman down seventy flights of stairs in the 1993 bombing

The fireman who carried a paralyzed child on a tour of the station house

The man who delivered a baby in an ambulance

The man who carried toys with him for distraught children on his paramedic calls

The man who carried dog biscuits in his pockets everywhere he went

The man whose dog cried all night long for two weeks afterward

The man who mowed the Little League field with his own lawnmower

The man who had just taught his son to whistle

The man who taught his pet bird to whistle

The man who had just taught his daughter to dribble a basketball

The man who had just signed up for his first college class

The man who went to college classes every night

The fireman who was also a substitute teacher at the junior high

The fireman who accidentally burned down his own firehouse

The man who wore photographs of his children on a necklace

The man who did cannonballs when he jumped into the pool

The man who had been homeless for years but finally had a job

The man whose job started the day before

The man whose job started two days before

The man who started his own carpet-cleaning company

The man who grilled ribs in winter while wearing a parka

The man who loved to catch crayfish in his creek

The man who raised racing pigeons

The man who carried his failing wife everywhere in his arms

The man whose police shield is in President Bush’s pocket

Kaddish L’nashim

The woman who loved her two dogs

The woman who loved her three dogs

The woman who loved really strong coffee

The woman who was a firefighter

The woman who loved to ride her bike in the desert

The woman whose job started the day before

The woman whose name meant love and joy in Yoruba

The woman whose sons were named Oz and Elvis

The woman who raised llamas

The woman who taught karate to deaf children

The woman who taught every Sunday at Holy Rosary School

The woman who had piercing hazel eyes

The woman who had a famous giggle

The woman who sang lead soprano at church

The woman who played piano for opera troupes

The woman who loved dancing to the Violent Femmes

The woman who loved everything British

The woman who fought the bully in school

The woman you could count on for anything

The woman who was raised by missionaries in Japan

The woman who had prayed the rosary with the pope

The woman whose son is autistic

The woman whose identical twin survived

The woman who had been homeless

The woman who brought clothes to homeless mothers

The woman who died with her nephew

The woman who died with her brother

The woman who died with her husband and brother

The woman who had toured the country singing with Duke Ellington

The woman who wanted to open a flower shop

The woman who listened with her fullest attention

The woman who fed sparrows every morning in her backyard

The woman who gave her place on the elevator away that morning

The woman who was the craziest chocolate person ever

The woman who called her dad every day

The woman who loved pedicures on Sunday mornings

The woman who had just quit smoking

The woman who first kissed her husband under the twin towers

The woman who died on the 104^th floor

The woman who had planned everything about her wedding except the invitations

The woman who wrote forty-five word stories

The woman who wrote her will the day before

The woman who sketched commuters on the train every morning

The woman who was seven months pregnant

The woman who discovered that morning that she was pregnant

Kaddish L’yiladim v’yiladot

The boy who wanted to be an ambulance driver

The girl, age four, flying with her mother

The boy, age three, flying with his parents

The child inside the woman who was seven months pregnant

The children inside mothers who didn’t know of them yet

The children who would have been conceived in years to come

Their children, and their children’s children

May they swim in the sea of the Lord forever.

Conflict Resolution at the Brandenburg Gate

Recently read an article which said that people in happy marriages don't have less arguments than less-happy couples, they just tend to resolve them better-- usually with humor.

I think this holds true for good friendships too.

At the Brandenburg Gate, N. didn't like the picture I took of him.

So he took this picture of me:

I got the message.

Our final pictures made everyone happy.

Another Cat

In Bruges

Cat Burglar

About that cat in the last post. That morning, my friend told me the following story:

She awoke at 3pm in the 3rd story hostel room the four of us were sharing to find the window open and a mewling cat on her chest. In that state of groggy confusion, she concluded that the cat had entered the room through the window. The cat began to lick her face, and she shooed it away, at which point it crawled over to the next bed and began licking mine.

It is at this point that Alea says she began to get worried.

So she called out to wake me up. I didn't respond at first, and then sat bolt upright as if I had never been asleep.

Alea explained the problem, grave as it was by saying, "Matt, there's a cat in the room! What should we do?"

Before all the avenues of possible action could be properly explored, the cat scampered out the half-open door.

I turned to Alea, said "the problem has resolved itself' and fell back to the bed, my eyes closed, as if I had never been awake.

Realizing that she would get no help from me at all, Alea went and barricaded the door with her suitcase to prevent the kitten from returning. It took her some time to get back to sleep.

I have absolutely no recollection of any of this occurring.

Sofia, Bulgaria 7/21/09

It is impossible to take a kitten seriously.